Friday, September 26, 2008

We Have a Consensus

So far, the logical order for our infertility journey, based on how far we're willing to take things, has looked like this:
1. Clomid
2. Clomid w/ IUI
3. Injectibles w/ IUI
4. IVF
5. Adoption
Currently, we are in phase two of the treatment plan. Unfortunately, #4 is not really an option due to our financial / insurance situation. It is just too damned expensive. Also, to me, donor eggs or sperm seem a little pointless - if genetic material isn't the point, then why not just adopt? Skipping directly from #2 to #5 seems a little premature, but until last night, I have had my reservations regarding #3. This is due mostly to the fact that there is a high risk for high order multiples with option 3.

Wait, let me go back. I am very pro-choice. I feel like all mentally capable people should have the right to make their own decisions when it comes to reproduction. If I have the right to pursue treatment for infertility, any other woman should have the right to pursue treatment for unwanted fertility.

My husband has a different view. He is morally opposed to abortion, and feels it is wrong. He's okay with it in cases of rape, incest, or risk to the mother, but that's it. He especially doesn't like it when it is used by women as a form of afterthought birth control. Although I seriously doubt he would vote to make abortion illegal, he is fairly rigid on the topic. His view differs from mine, but I respect it.

So, back on the topic of injectibles... I am okay with the risk of high order multiples, because I am okay with selective reduction. The risks associated with high order multiples are just too great to ignore. I would not be willing to try injectibles if selective reduction was not an option, which I was afraid that it might not be, because of Brad's views on abortion. I would not do anything that he wasn't okay with, because it's his child, too.

Anyway, last night I finally got up the nerve to ask him about his views on selective reduction, should the need arise. I was afraid to ask, because of what his response might be, but ask I did. We needed to discuss this anyway, just so we could know where we stand. Of course, as usual, my husband never ceases to amaze me. He said that he is okay with selective reduction, because the risks to me and to all of the babies is just too great. Why try to keep six, only to have them all die in NICU when they are born too premature to survive, when you could have made the hard choice early on, and wind up with two healthy babies in the end.

I underestimated him, and he surprised me as always. It just reminds me why I love him so much. Folks, we have a consensus, and along with it a better understanding. I'm a lucky woman.


Erin said...

yup. Lucky indeed. love ya

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