Here We Go Again

Yet again, I'm going to try to get back to this blogging thing. It's time. I haven't posted much because things have been so good, but things have been stressing me out a bit lately. Travis is 10 months old now. Here are a few pictures.

 Here, Travis was about 7-8 months old, I think. I had my mom take pics of us in the bluebonnets.

 This is Brad, Travis, and me at the family reunion last weekend. We had a good time.

 This was also taken at the family reunion. Travis is a camera hound, and a ham.

I have been staying at home with Travis, and I am enjoying it. It feels strange to not be working, but I do like taking care of Travis. It has been kind of hard on us financially, but we'll get through. We recently went through the process to get licensed for foster care and adoption. We want to take kids ages 0-12. We are finished with the process, and just waiting for kids.

A few weeks ago, I had to have surgery to remove my gallbladder, but that went well, and I am recovered from that. The only lingering effect is about $2000 worth of medical bills. In addition, we got a nice letter from the IRS saying that we owe them $500 from 2008. And since I haven't been working, I have been paying for COBRA so that I have health insurance. So we are doing our best to stay afloat right now.

But if that wasn't enough, since the COBRA only lasts for 18 months, and I have already used up 7 months of it, if I want to have another baby while I've got it, I need to get knocked up within the next two months. And my deductible resets at the end of August, so I need to take advantage of what limited fertility coverage I have with the COBRA. So today I called the fertility clinic, and got set up to start treatments as soon as my cycle starts. They ordered the meds, and I'm supposed to call them on CD1. We're going to skip the clomid nonsense this time and go straight to what worked for us last time. The protocol should be about the same as last time, with follistim and IUI. While I have a sense of deja vu about all of this, I am able to approach it with a little more calm, since I already have a real, live baby here at home with me. Part of me feels very selfish to be trying fertility treatments when I've already got my gorgeous baby boy, but the other, bigger part of me insists that I have as much right to the family of my dreams as anybody else.

So, here we go again. Dear God, please let things go smoothly, and help me to keep the number of self-injections and strangers looking at my lady-business to a minimum. Also, I pray that the hormones don't make me too murder-y. Amen.

15 Weeks

It has been a long week. I am exhausted. I keep having to go to the chiropractor because my back/pelvis keep getting out of whack while I'm at work. When I come home, I rest for a little while, and when I try to get up again, it hurts so bad I can barely walk. It holds just fine when I'm not at work, but it keeps slipping out of alignment when I go to work and deal with the kids. It's very frustrating. I'm 15 weeks along, with 25 to go. Oh well. It will be over eventually.

I do, however, have some good news. We got our tax return back. $6603. Not bad, huh? So after we pay the house taxes, and a few outstanding medical bills, we are going to get trees. In the 24 years that Brad has lived in this house, he has never gotten around to planting trees. We have a couple hackberry trees that have come up on their own, but they don't really count. So we are getting trees. We are going to get a bur oak, which will get absolutely huge, and a Monterrey oak. The Monterrey oak is also known as a Mexican white oak, and in this area they are generally evergreen. They lose their leaves in colder climates, but here in temperate central Texas, they stay green all year. We are going to also get some fruit trees - peach, apricot, and plum. The peach tree we get will be a Sam Houston peach tree, which is the same variety I grew up with. We may also get some crepe myrtles, and maybe a bradford pear or a flowering dogwood. Maybe also a sycamore. If you can't tell, I'm excited about trees, and the promise of shade.

The tax return is also going to allow us to go on a little trip during spring break. Brad has March 18-22 off. That's five whole days. On the 18th, which is our one year anniversary, we will be finding out the sex of the baby. Then after that we are going to drive up to Dallas to see Brad's sister and my best friend Shannon. I'm excited about getting to go out of town. With all the fertility treatments, it's been a long while since we have had the time and money to go anywhere. During the beginning part of spring break, I am going to try to get down to San Antonio to see my friends Penny and Jenny, and Jenny's new baby. I haven't seen either of them in well over a year, I believe. It may have been longer than that. Anyway, I'm out of here to go find something for dinner.

Ready or Not...

...here we come. After finding out that the doctor does recommend IUI, the next day I called and talked to my nurse. She told me that the IUI would cost $350 ($180 for sperm washing, $170 for the insemination), plus the $150 each for the infectious disease screening, for a total of $650 this cycle, not counting the Clomid and two $35 co-pays. So, I'm going back and forth in my head, trying to figure out what we are going to do, when I think to ask what the chances of me getting pregnant with either method are. First, she tells me that for Clomid with intercourse, my chances of getting pregnant in any given month are 1.5%, because of Brad's low numbers. She then tells me that the Clomid / IUI raises those chances to 7-8%. For me, that made the choice obvious. Here we go with IUI #1. Fortunately, my insurance is willing to pay for the IDS, and my Mom, the co-signer on my truck was nice enough to say that I can get an extension on my truck payment, which pushes that payment to the end of the contract and gives me a break this month. With that help, we will be able to do it this month. Hopefully we will not need to do it again next month.

I went for my HSG on Friday, and got the results yesterday - my tubes are clear! At least that is good news. Brad's IDS results came back, and he's clear, so that's good, too. I had an ultrasound yesterday, as well, and my left ovary is the high achiever this month, with 3 follicles at 13, 14, & 16 mm. The right ovary has one follicle at 11mm. Slacker.

So everything is looking good so far, and she says I will probably ovulate in the next three or four days.

My mood this cycle is not nearly as good as last month, though. I don't feel particularly optimistic, but maybe that will keep me from getting my hopes up so much. We'll see.

Decision Time

Last night as I was plugging in my phone, I noticed that I had a missed call and a new voicemail. I checked it, and it was the doctor's office. The message said that they do recommend switching to IUI, since Brad's numbers were low all around. The problem is, if we switch to IUI, my insurance stops paying. We're broke right now (from all the remodeling), and it will be difficult to scrape up the money. We could wait and see if intercourse will get the job done, and if not, try IUI next month, when we *may* have more money. But it will still cost the same, or more, since my yearly deductible will be reset either in August or September. I also start back to work in late August, and missing work for this stuff makes it even more difficult. I'm waiting to hear back from the clinic about how much the IUI costs. We will also both have to get an infectious disease screening done, and if insurance won't cover that, it's another $150 each. I'm also scheduled for an HSG tomorrow, and I don't know how much that will cost me. I think insurance will cover it, but I don't know how much. I'm just super frustrated and stressed out right now, because I don't know what to do. It could still not work, and we might have to do it again next month anyway.

This is me right now:
I'm so frustrated! Grrrrr! Why does this have to be so hard? It hardly seems fair... if only I had a crack pipe or a prom dress, maybe I could get knocked up...

Yes, I am screwing my husband.

So I got the situation with the fertility clinic all sorted out. Apparently, they weren't even going to submit the claim to my insurance. They just interpreted my benefits how they wanted to and billed me based on that. They decided that my insurance covering infertility testing, but not infertility treatment, meant that only the first appointment when the diagnosis of infertility was made, would be covered. What a bunch of idiots. And, they marked my chart as 'infertility-unspecified origin' instead of 'PCOS', which is more accurate, and more likely to be covered. I had to explain to them that in the future they needed to mark the reason code as PCOS, and always submit a claim, whether they think it will be covered or not. You never know unless you try, right?

Also, they didn't read the fine print, or didn't read my chart, because my insurance specifically excludes IUI and IVF, but it does not exclude clomid with intercourse. I was trying to explain this to them and they're like, "You're using intercourse? Are you sure?" And I'm telling them, "Yes, I'm sure I am having sex with my husband to try to make a baby. " As if I might be confused about what we have been doing all this time. (I'm pretty sure we have been doing it right, although it's obvious that information from my middle school health teacher can't be trusted. She told the class that girls would get pregnant easily, so she might have been wrong about what hole to put it in, as well.) The nurses said the word 'intercourse' like it was a bad word, or some sort of freaky fetish that they would rather not hear about, instead of the normal way of procreating. I guess working at a fertility clinic will make you forget that not everyone can go for the big guns all at once.

Once I made them understand that I was going to continue to try to reproduce with the normal method, plus a little chemical assistance, they were like, "Oh, well your insurance will cover that! And your next appointment, too! We'll just put it as a credit on your account. Minus the co-pay of course. Have a nice day!"

But I got it sorted out. Insurance will pay. I win. Yay! Now over to google to verify that the information my middle school teacher gave me is correct. Just kidding, I know we've been doing it right. Although I am always amazed by how often people, upon learning of my infertility issues, ask, "Are you sure you're doing it right?" What idiots. Yes, I am screwing my husband, and I am doing it properly. Jeez!

Paying For the Pleasure

So I've been really remiss lately in my posting, or lack thereof. I will try to improve the frequency. On Tuesday 6/3/08, I went to my appointment to check for cysts before beginning clomid. Traffic was hell, as usual, but I made it on time (not early though). I waited in the waiting room for about 10 minutes, and had plenty of interesting reading material. There was a wide variety of magazines: 3 issues of Tropical Fish Hobbyist (which I love), Time, Nat'l Geographic, several hunting and golfing magazines and various others. Blessedly few parenting magazines. One thing I feel it is important to note is that there were no copies of the obnoxious Conceive magazine (check here for more about Conceive - (Maybe If You Just Relax). Another magazine I noticed was missing was Infertile Whore. I bet a fellow infertile stole it.

After waiting for the briefest of times, I went and had my Cycle Day 3 vaginal ultrasound. Yuk! Whoever thought of putting an ultrasound wand there while a woman was on the rag was a brave muthafucka, let me tell ya. And then, they had the balls to tell me that it would be $180, instead of my $35 specialist copay, because my insurance doesn't cover fertility treatments, only infertility diagnosis. So I'm standing there arguing with this lady, trying to make her understand that an ultrasound is a *diagnostic* procedure, not an infertility treatment. And because this was CD3, the conversation went something like this:

Me: An ultrasound is a *diagnostic* procedure, not an infertility treatment.

Scared Billing Clerk: But it's part of the treatment, so they won't pay for it.

Me: Look, how can I explain this. It's not, under any circumstances that I can think of, a *treatment.* Yes, I am undergoing infertility treatment - Clomid. The ultrasound is simply to monitor my health while I undergo said treatment, and to diagnose any additional infertility issues. Y'all can stand around and jab me in the twat with an ultrasound wand all day long, and it will not make me any more fertile. You get my husband in on the action and it might improve your chances a little, and certainly make it more fun, but the ultrasound will not *treat* my infertility.

Scared Billing Clerk: Um, ma'am can you lower your voice? Feel free to call your insurance company and see if they will cover it. Today's total will be $180. Have a nice day.

So I wrote her a check, walked to my truck, and had a nervous breakdown. I sat and boo-hooed til I couldn't cry any more. I was so mad and frustrated. I knew all of this would be expensive and stressful, but from appointment no. 2? And I didn't even see the doctor! If I had been looking to get screwed, I could have gone down to Rundberg & Lamar, stood on the corner for a few minutes with the other working girls, and had somebody *pay me* for the pleasure.

What a bunch of bullshit! Arrrggghhhh!