Waiting... again.

On Friday, 7/18/08, I finally got a positive OPK, so I called the clinic and scheduled the IUI for the next morning. Of course services are 20% more expensive on the weekends, but whatever. Saturday morning we got up at 5:45 so I could get ready and make it to the clinic by 8:00 for the hand-off of the little brown bag. Of course, we don't live within an hour of the clinic, so there was no collecting it at home. We had to drive up there and let him go use their facilities. Then we went window shopping for two hours while they did the sperm washing. At 10:30, I went in for the IUI while Brad napped in the truck. The doctor did the IUI, and I must say, her technique is flawless. Didn't feel a thing. I laid flat on my back for 15 minutes, and we were on our way. We drove to Marble Falls to visit Brad's parents (the most boring people in the world), and spent Saturday night there. I spent most of my time knitting and napping, while they went on and on about shit we couldn't care less about. His parents are both about 70, and have decided that they are old, so they sit at home watching TV, and bickering with each other. That's all. They don't do anything else, or go out anywhere, or visit anybody. Blech. My grandma is 74, and is far from being old. She is always keeping her great-grandkids, or volunteering at the elementary school, or volunteering to drive the "old" ladies from the local nursing home to their doctor and hairdresser appointments, or going out somewhere with her boyfriend. It's like she refuses to get old. And she is one of the most fun people to talk to. She's smart and funny, and sharp as a whip. I would much rather go visit my Grandma, if given the option.

So after visiting his parents, we went and visited Brad's best friend Jay, and his wife Misty. Misty is finally pregnant, after years of trying, and lots of fertility treatments. I'm happy for her, and hopefully I will get pregnant soon, too. For now, I'm back in the 2ww, and I hate waiting. Patience is not one of my strong suits. I may take forever to make up my mind about something, but once I do, I want it right then. Oh well. By nature, this is primarily a waiting game. But nobody ever said I have to like it.

Ready or Not...

...here we come. After finding out that the doctor does recommend IUI, the next day I called and talked to my nurse. She told me that the IUI would cost $350 ($180 for sperm washing, $170 for the insemination), plus the $150 each for the infectious disease screening, for a total of $650 this cycle, not counting the Clomid and two $35 co-pays. So, I'm going back and forth in my head, trying to figure out what we are going to do, when I think to ask what the chances of me getting pregnant with either method are. First, she tells me that for Clomid with intercourse, my chances of getting pregnant in any given month are 1.5%, because of Brad's low numbers. She then tells me that the Clomid / IUI raises those chances to 7-8%. For me, that made the choice obvious. Here we go with IUI #1. Fortunately, my insurance is willing to pay for the IDS, and my Mom, the co-signer on my truck was nice enough to say that I can get an extension on my truck payment, which pushes that payment to the end of the contract and gives me a break this month. With that help, we will be able to do it this month. Hopefully we will not need to do it again next month.

I went for my HSG on Friday, and got the results yesterday - my tubes are clear! At least that is good news. Brad's IDS results came back, and he's clear, so that's good, too. I had an ultrasound yesterday, as well, and my left ovary is the high achiever this month, with 3 follicles at 13, 14, & 16 mm. The right ovary has one follicle at 11mm. Slacker.

So everything is looking good so far, and she says I will probably ovulate in the next three or four days.

My mood this cycle is not nearly as good as last month, though. I don't feel particularly optimistic, but maybe that will keep me from getting my hopes up so much. We'll see.

Decision Time

Last night as I was plugging in my phone, I noticed that I had a missed call and a new voicemail. I checked it, and it was the doctor's office. The message said that they do recommend switching to IUI, since Brad's numbers were low all around. The problem is, if we switch to IUI, my insurance stops paying. We're broke right now (from all the remodeling), and it will be difficult to scrape up the money. We could wait and see if intercourse will get the job done, and if not, try IUI next month, when we *may* have more money. But it will still cost the same, or more, since my yearly deductible will be reset either in August or September. I also start back to work in late August, and missing work for this stuff makes it even more difficult. I'm waiting to hear back from the clinic about how much the IUI costs. We will also both have to get an infectious disease screening done, and if insurance won't cover that, it's another $150 each. I'm also scheduled for an HSG tomorrow, and I don't know how much that will cost me. I think insurance will cover it, but I don't know how much. I'm just super frustrated and stressed out right now, because I don't know what to do. It could still not work, and we might have to do it again next month anyway.

This is me right now:
I'm so frustrated! Grrrrr! Why does this have to be so hard? It hardly seems fair... if only I had a crack pipe or a prom dress, maybe I could get knocked up...

Thus Far in Round #2

On 7/3/08, I started again with CD1. The next day I went in for a baseline ultrasound to check for cysts. There was one 10mm x 7mm cyst on my left ovary, but it wasn't big enough to make us scrap the cycle, thank goodness. I'm still on 100mg of Clomid, days 3-7. I'm scheduled for a HSG on Friday, 7/11/08, so both Brad and I are on a preventive 7-day course of Doxycycline. We got the results back for Brad's semen analysis, and most of the numbers are lower than normal. Nothing to cause a huge amount of alarm, but not great, either. I'm still waiting to hear back on whether the Dr. recommends that we switch to IUI or stick with intercourse. Hopefully she'll say intercourse, because insurance stops paying if we switch to IUI. She did say that if it should progress to IVF, ICSI would be recommended, because the morphology was the lowest of the numbers. Not that we'll ever be able to afford IVF, since insurance won't cover it. Bastards. On Monday, 7/14/08, I am scheduled for another ultrasound to check the follicles. This shit is *so* not fun. Blech!

Diablo III

Yay! Finally - Diablo 3. No release date yet, but I'm excited about it.

clipped from www.diablofans.com Diablo III Announced !!!!! PARIS, France – June 28, 2008 – Blizzard Entertainment, Inc. today revealed Diablo® III, the newest entry in its critically acclaimed action role-playing-game franchise. The announcement was made during the 2008 Blizzard Entertainment® Worldwide Invitational at the Porte de Versailles Convention Centre in Paris, France. A cinematic trailer and an extended gameplay demonstration with commentary from the development team introduced the game to the thousands of players in attendance. Diablo III will feature a custom 3D-graphics engine to render lush indoor and outdoor areas of Sanctuary with a high level of detail and vivid special effects. The game’s physics-enhanced environments will be interactive and destructible, offering traps and obstacles that create added danger for players and monsters alike. These elements, along with a new quest system and random scripted events, will be integrated into the game’s random-level generator,

Mad Cow Disease

Why do they call that time before a woman's period PMS?

Because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.

The name Mad Cow Disease is definitely a more accurate descriptor of what I am feeling, though. I guess all of these *symptoms* were just the worst PMS I have ever had in my whole life. Why would Mother Nature choose to make the symptoms of PMS the *same* as the symptoms of early pregnancy? Why? It just doesn't seem right. Sore boobs, awful bloating, terrible mood swings... the whole meal deal. Which I normally don't get nearly so bad. And to top it off, I'm not even knocked up.

No, I have not started my period. I went for the bloodwork today, and the pregnancy test was negative. You know, I'm past due to start my period, and that would have been just as reliable an indicator of a negative. But of course, that would have been cheaper than bloodwork, and Mother Nature is still conspiring against me. I swear, she must have some sort of deal worked out with the doctors so she gets some sort of kickback for fucking with my life. Bitch.

So now I get to wait for the inevitable flood, schedule a CD3 Ultrasound and an HSG for me, and a semen analysis for Brad. Yay - an ultrasonic dildo and radioactive dye up the twat, and romance in a cup. What fun.

So here we go again. Ding ding, round 2. Clomid with intercourse. If his swimmers need help we'll switch it to Clomid with IUI.

To Pee or Not To Pee...

I am still firmly entrenched in the 2ww, and it sucks. I have HPTs in my bathroom cabinet that are, only through sheer force of will, undrenched. I discovered a nifty little website called PeeOnAStick.com, and I know it is still too early to test, but Dear God, I really want to. Just a few more days... It's driving me nuts... not that I really had far to go, but still. The site has all kinds of cool info about HPTs and OPKs. Still doesn't help with the waiting, though. Gee, thanks, Dr. Google.

I did get news from the blood work I had drawn yesterday. Drumroll, please... The results show that I did actually ovulate. Yay! I knew (hoped) Lucy & Ethel could do it. Good job, girls! Maybe the problem before was that they were jealous of my boobs having names, but now that they are getting some of the attention, they're willing to perform. Apparently, ovaries need love, too. Who knew?

So, on to the *symptoms.* I have *symptoms* - ssshhhhh! Granted, it's probably just PMS, but whatever it is, it sucks. My boobs are so tender it feels like Eddie & Earl are going to fall off onto the floor, and my nipples are killing me. I'm bloated, and exhausted too. On top of all that, I'm bitchy, whiny, and lazy... oh wait, that's normal.

And I've been googling baby clothes and baby names, which I normally avoid like the plague, so I can pretend that being infertile doesn't bother me, because hey, I'm not baby obsessed. No babynames.com or Gymboree in my web history, nosirrrreeeee. Until today. Effin' nesting. So visit my name list and vote. Or look at the disgustingly cute baby girl clothes with me... come on, one hit won't hurt.

I'll tell you a funny story though. Remember how I said my nipples hurt? A bra doesn't help the pain, and my anatomy is such that they poke outwards if they are not restrained. I was in my kitchen cooking a couple days ago, and I reach for the can of Crisco cooking spray, to spray the casserole dish. First, I go to shake it though. It goes successfully upwards, but on the downstroke, I manage to hit my protruding right nipple with the edge of the can of cooking spray. Hard. The thin T-shirt I was wearing did not afford me any protection at all. First, I screamed, then crumpled on the floor in a crying, gibbering heap. It hurt so bad. Brad comes running, and is laughing at me as I explain what happened. His response: "You want me to kiss it?" Bastard.

Welcome to Hell...

...a.k.a. the Two Week Wait, or for those of you who have had to put any extra effort into getting knocked up: the 2ww. I got a positive OPK on Sunday, 6/15/08, so Brad and I have made like bunnies, as per the doctor's orders. I go for blood work on 6/23 to confirm that I did actually ovulate, and then more on 6/30 for a pregnancy test. Now I am in the phase where I am stuck waiting for two weeks to find out if I am pregnant. It sucks. I am a worrier, and very impatient, so this feels to me like marking time (for you non-band-nerds, that means marching in place) in the hot Texas sun, while sweat trickles down my back. It's miserable.

Speaking of heat, this is turning out to be one of the hottest Junes on record. We have been remodeling, inside and out, and the exterior of the house only lacks a few pieces of drip-edge flashing, and a paint job. But it has been too damn hot to go outside to finish it up. This morning at 10am it was already 92 degrees out there. Even after dark, it's uncomfortably hot. It's comparable to being on house arrest. And I can't imagine that it will get any better any time soon, as we still have 10 days left of June, all of July, and August, and most of September before we typically get a break in the heat around here. We are already in a drought, and no rain in sight.

Like I said, welcome to Hell.

A Womb With A View

Yesterday, I went and had a CD12 scan, to find out if the Clomid is working at this level. The doctor actually did the scan herself, and her technique was better than the tech who did it last time. The first thing she commented on was my nice, thick, cushy uterine lining. I think she said something like 14mm, but I'm not sure. I also have a retroverted uterus.

It makes me want to put out a flashing Vacancy sign, and take out a classified ad in the paper:
For Rent - A Womb with a view of the lovely and scenic Vaginal Canal. Recently redecorated with new plush carpet. Beverages on tap and a pool will be installed soon after move-in. Short term leases available, from 7-10 months, with assistance available for move-in and move-out. Frequent visits from maintenance and management will ensure your stay is comfortable and trouble-free.

Then we moved on to the ovaries, Lucy & Ethel, who were both busy and hard at work. The scan showed that the Clomid is in fact making my ovaries do what they should. It showed three large follicles in the 19-22 mm range, coming from both ovaries. The doctor said that I should ovulate within a few days, and possibly release as many as three eggs. She said to start testing with OPKs and make nookie when I get a positive surge, and for a few days after. Then I am supposed to go do blood work 8 days after a positive OPK to verify that I did, in fact, ovulate. At 15 days past the positive OPK, I go again for blood work to determine whether I am pregnant or not.

If we get a negative pregnancy test, or if I start my period, then I will start more clomid, and I will go for a HSG and Brad will go for a Semen Analysis.

If I get a positive, then yay! I am *feeling* positive about all this. Hope has crept in, and I don't know what to do with it, as it visits so infrequently. Brad and I actually discussed baby names last night, which was a first. Usually, we avoid the baby subject. Not because he doesn't want to discuss it, but because I try not to bring it up, for fear that I will annoy him with all of my silly girly chatter. It's really a stupid fear, too, since he is great about humoring me in my silliness. Somehow I get it in my head that since he has an 18 year old son, I will bore him to death with all of my nonsense, because he has been there, done that, and even gotten the T-shirt. I know he's happy and even a little excited... I'm just too dumb to be able to wrap my little brain around it and accept it. Oh well. Here's hoping, anyway!!!

Lucy & Ethel

I completely forgot to post about the results of the actual scan. When I did the scan, they checked for cysts, and I got to see my ovaries on the screen for the first time. There were no cysts, and they were behaving just fine, for once. In my family, all 3 of us sisters are very well endowed in the mammary department (think 36G or 34H). Our boobs are name-worthy. Mine are, even after a breast reduction. My older sister named hers Teddy and Freddy. My boobs are Eddie and Earl. When my little sister refused to name hers, we told her we would refer to them as The Odd Couple if she wouldn't name them. Needless to say, she eventually quit arguing with them being called Laverne and Shirley. In keeping with the family tradition, now that I have seen my ovaries, I feel the need to name them. I have decided that my ovaries shall be called Lucy and Ethel. Grouchy, prone to making odd faces, constantly getting in trouble, and up to no good - this suits my ovaries perfectly.

So we caught Lucy & Ethel on a good day, with lots of follicles (I think they said 7-8mm?) and no cysts. I think normally their mood is more like this. They gave me the go ahead to start the Clomid, and I took 100mg on days 3-7. No problems so far. Just a little bitchiness, but that's fairly normal for me.

Yes, I am screwing my husband.

So I got the situation with the fertility clinic all sorted out. Apparently, they weren't even going to submit the claim to my insurance. They just interpreted my benefits how they wanted to and billed me based on that. They decided that my insurance covering infertility testing, but not infertility treatment, meant that only the first appointment when the diagnosis of infertility was made, would be covered. What a bunch of idiots. And, they marked my chart as 'infertility-unspecified origin' instead of 'PCOS', which is more accurate, and more likely to be covered. I had to explain to them that in the future they needed to mark the reason code as PCOS, and always submit a claim, whether they think it will be covered or not. You never know unless you try, right?

Also, they didn't read the fine print, or didn't read my chart, because my insurance specifically excludes IUI and IVF, but it does not exclude clomid with intercourse. I was trying to explain this to them and they're like, "You're using intercourse? Are you sure?" And I'm telling them, "Yes, I'm sure I am having sex with my husband to try to make a baby. " As if I might be confused about what we have been doing all this time. (I'm pretty sure we have been doing it right, although it's obvious that information from my middle school health teacher can't be trusted. She told the class that girls would get pregnant easily, so she might have been wrong about what hole to put it in, as well.) The nurses said the word 'intercourse' like it was a bad word, or some sort of freaky fetish that they would rather not hear about, instead of the normal way of procreating. I guess working at a fertility clinic will make you forget that not everyone can go for the big guns all at once.

Once I made them understand that I was going to continue to try to reproduce with the normal method, plus a little chemical assistance, they were like, "Oh, well your insurance will cover that! And your next appointment, too! We'll just put it as a credit on your account. Minus the co-pay of course. Have a nice day!"

But I got it sorted out. Insurance will pay. I win. Yay! Now over to google to verify that the information my middle school teacher gave me is correct. Just kidding, I know we've been doing it right. Although I am always amazed by how often people, upon learning of my infertility issues, ask, "Are you sure you're doing it right?" What idiots. Yes, I am screwing my husband, and I am doing it properly. Jeez!

Paying For the Pleasure

So I've been really remiss lately in my posting, or lack thereof. I will try to improve the frequency. On Tuesday 6/3/08, I went to my appointment to check for cysts before beginning clomid. Traffic was hell, as usual, but I made it on time (not early though). I waited in the waiting room for about 10 minutes, and had plenty of interesting reading material. There was a wide variety of magazines: 3 issues of Tropical Fish Hobbyist (which I love), Time, Nat'l Geographic, several hunting and golfing magazines and various others. Blessedly few parenting magazines. One thing I feel it is important to note is that there were no copies of the obnoxious Conceive magazine (check here for more about Conceive - (Maybe If You Just Relax). Another magazine I noticed was missing was Infertile Whore. I bet a fellow infertile stole it.

After waiting for the briefest of times, I went and had my Cycle Day 3 vaginal ultrasound. Yuk! Whoever thought of putting an ultrasound wand there while a woman was on the rag was a brave muthafucka, let me tell ya. And then, they had the balls to tell me that it would be $180, instead of my $35 specialist copay, because my insurance doesn't cover fertility treatments, only infertility diagnosis. So I'm standing there arguing with this lady, trying to make her understand that an ultrasound is a *diagnostic* procedure, not an infertility treatment. And because this was CD3, the conversation went something like this:

Me: An ultrasound is a *diagnostic* procedure, not an infertility treatment.

Scared Billing Clerk: But it's part of the treatment, so they won't pay for it.

Me: Look, how can I explain this. It's not, under any circumstances that I can think of, a *treatment.* Yes, I am undergoing infertility treatment - Clomid. The ultrasound is simply to monitor my health while I undergo said treatment, and to diagnose any additional infertility issues. Y'all can stand around and jab me in the twat with an ultrasound wand all day long, and it will not make me any more fertile. You get my husband in on the action and it might improve your chances a little, and certainly make it more fun, but the ultrasound will not *treat* my infertility.

Scared Billing Clerk: Um, ma'am can you lower your voice? Feel free to call your insurance company and see if they will cover it. Today's total will be $180. Have a nice day.

So I wrote her a check, walked to my truck, and had a nervous breakdown. I sat and boo-hooed til I couldn't cry any more. I was so mad and frustrated. I knew all of this would be expensive and stressful, but from appointment no. 2? And I didn't even see the doctor! If I had been looking to get screwed, I could have gone down to Rundberg & Lamar, stood on the corner for a few minutes with the other working girls, and had somebody *pay me* for the pleasure.

What a bunch of bullshit! Arrrggghhhh!

Trojan Man

Apparently, if I want to get pregnant, we need to use condoms. The nurse called today with the lab results. As I expected, I am not already pregnant, so I am all clear to start taking the Provera. Then the nurse informs me that I need to either abstain from making whoopie, or use a barrier contraceptive, during the time that I am on the Provera. Don't want to accidentally get pregnant while on the Provera, then stop taking it and have a miscarriage when my cycle starts. Abstinence is out of the question, so condoms it is. When the nurse called, I was in HEB, so I thought I would go ahead and get some condoms. I go to the condom aisle, and start looking, and get a little overwhelmed by so many choices. After all, indecision may or may not be my problem. Besides, we have been trying for 2.5 years, so needless to say, I have not purchased any condoms in quite a while. So I called Brad to tell him the news, and ask his opinion on what condoms to get. He says, "Well, I don't know. Here, talk to Michael, he uses those more often than I do." He then hands the phone to Michael, his son. So before I can stop it, and despite my protestations, I find myself discussing the merits of various condoms with my 18 year old step-son. It freaked me out. I wound up having to call my Mom for moral support. She thought it was effing hilarious, and had to share the humor with her husband. After I regained my composure, I picked a box of Trojan Her Pleasure - Warming Sensations, and a Trojan variety pack. Still having a hard time with that indecision thing. Then I go to check out, and as the line moves forward, I realize that the cashier is one of the senior girls from the high school that I see on a daily basis, but she has seen me, so I can't switch lines. Just as I get to the register, I look down and realize that one of the boxes of condoms is open. So I have to have the bagger go exchange it for me, because buying an open box of Trojans would not be prudent. Sort of like buying a sex toy at a garage sale. Just a bad idea all around. So I got the condoms home, but not without much drama. Oh well. My Trojan Man is worth it. And if it gets us a little trojan baby, that's even better.

A Whirlwind Day

We went to the initial consult at the fertility clinic today. It was storming and traffic on MoPac was at a standstill. I was only 10 minutes late, and I got chastised by the doctor for it, because she and her other patients do *not* like to be kept waiting. She will from here on be known as Dr. Punctual (unless she does something to merit a different name). There wasn't a soul in the waiting room, and when I tried to call to let them know that I was on my way, but running a little behind, of course I couldn't get a real human to answer the phone. She either needs to give lessons to other doctors in punctuality, or pull the stick out of her ass. I'm so used to waiting for long periods of time in doctor's offices that I didn't think it would be a problem. So anyway, we did the interview/consult, and here is the tenative plan of action: I have to get Brad in to the doctor for a checkup on his diabetes, cholesterol, and blood pressure. He will also have to have a semen analysis, and he will have to quit smoking. Dr. Punctual wanted me to have a couple of labs drawn, to start with, and to make sure I am not pregnant already. Then I will start taking Provera to start my cycle, then 100mg of Clomid, since we already tried 50mg with Dr. Adonis. She will monitor me for a good response, and if the response is not satisfactory, I will immediately start Provera again, and move to 150mg of Clomid. If the response is good with either dosage, we get ovulation predictor kits, and make like rabbits. If the response is just mediocre, we consider higher dosages or extended dosing times. If there is no response, we move on to injectable stims. It sounds like a reasonable course of action, with acceptable expediency. Speed is definitely a factor, since I will be off during the summer, but when school starts again, it will be much harder to do all of this.
After we got through with the appointment, we went to St. David's for the lab work. We had to wander all over to get to the lab, but once we got to the lab, I was in and out within 10 minutes or less, and the service was exceptional and friendly.
Then went to the Social Security Administration, at 9th and San Jacinto. I was so proud of myself to have remembered where it was. We walked in the door, only to find out that the SSA moved about three years ago, and is no longer at 9th and San Jacinto. How annoying. It moved up near I-35 and St. John's. I will say one thing, the new building is a huge improvement from the old one. Gone are the two little service windows and wall fans to try to blow away the odor from the crush of humanity. Instead, there are 24 service booths (with chairs, even) to serve your needs. There is modern air conditioning, adequate seating, and color television, all topped off with a pleasant feeling of cleanliness. I still had to wait for 45 minutes, but that's better than 3-4 hours in the old location. I officially got my name changed (almost 2 months after the wedding), and I didn't have to argue with a single person. The man doing the change was even friendly.
After that we went to the building supply place that once was Calcasieu and got a quote for the materials to replace the fascia boards on the outside of the house before we paint. They were mostly knowledgeable, and completely friendly. The quote was for $600. Then we went to the bank and got a check for $600, with which to purchase said materials. The bank was efficient as well.
Then we went to DPS and I changed my name and address on my driver's license. I even got fast, friendly service there.
Last, we went to my bank and deposited some money in my account. Hopefully my employer will deposit some money in my account tomorrow, and then the government will deposit some more money in said account on Friday.
Overall, we had a whirlwind day, in which we accomplished much, received exceptional service from all parties involved, and nobody pissed me off. Talk about a success. About the only thing that would make it any better would be for the fertility clinic to call and say, "Stacy, all of that was for nothing. According to the lab, you're already knocked up. Go ahead and schedule an appointment with your regular OB/Gyn." Wouldn't that be nice? But knowing my luck, I'll just have to settle for the pint of Blue Bell in the freezer.

Every Journey Begins With A Single Step

I made the first major step toward figuring out this stupid infertility thing. I made the prerequisite 83.2 phone calls to the insurance company, fertility clinic, OB/Gyn, personnel office, and others. The lady at the insurance company was actually helpful and friendly, and told me that I did not need a referral, and provided me with plenty of additional information, because apparently she has done all of this herself. The lady at the fertility clinic was helpful once I got her to return my calls. The hours that the clinic answers the phone are really crappy, and I called a bajillion times trying to talk to a real human. Finally after leaving several messages in several different inboxes, I gave up, as it was Friday afternoon by that point. So I had to wait until the next week to get a return call from them. I finally was able to schedule a new patient consult. Then I had to call personnel to get the time off approved, and then call Brad to get him to put the day on the calendar at his work. Then I called the OB/Gyn's office, and learned that all of those results came back normal, and asked them to send those to the clinic. So, I will have my first appointment with the fertility doctor on May 14, 2008, at 10:00am. Now I just have to make approximately 93.6 phone calls to various other bureaucracies to make sure everything goes off without a hitch. Yay, what fun. One step at a time, I guess.