Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Paying For the Pleasure

So I've been really remiss lately in my posting, or lack thereof. I will try to improve the frequency. On Tuesday 6/3/08, I went to my appointment to check for cysts before beginning clomid. Traffic was hell, as usual, but I made it on time (not early though). I waited in the waiting room for about 10 minutes, and had plenty of interesting reading material. There was a wide variety of magazines: 3 issues of Tropical Fish Hobbyist (which I love), Time, Nat'l Geographic, several hunting and golfing magazines and various others. Blessedly few parenting magazines. One thing I feel it is important to note is that there were no copies of the obnoxious Conceive magazine (check here for more about Conceive - (Maybe If You Just Relax). Another magazine I noticed was missing was Infertile Whore. I bet a fellow infertile stole it.

After waiting for the briefest of times, I went and had my Cycle Day 3 vaginal ultrasound. Yuk! Whoever thought of putting an ultrasound wand there while a woman was on the rag was a brave muthafucka, let me tell ya. And then, they had the balls to tell me that it would be $180, instead of my $35 specialist copay, because my insurance doesn't cover fertility treatments, only infertility diagnosis. So I'm standing there arguing with this lady, trying to make her understand that an ultrasound is a *diagnostic* procedure, not an infertility treatment. And because this was CD3, the conversation went something like this:

Me: An ultrasound is a *diagnostic* procedure, not an infertility treatment.

Scared Billing Clerk: But it's part of the treatment, so they won't pay for it.

Me: Look, how can I explain this. It's not, under any circumstances that I can think of, a *treatment.* Yes, I am undergoing infertility treatment - Clomid. The ultrasound is simply to monitor my health while I undergo said treatment, and to diagnose any additional infertility issues. Y'all can stand around and jab me in the twat with an ultrasound wand all day long, and it will not make me any more fertile. You get my husband in on the action and it might improve your chances a little, and certainly make it more fun, but the ultrasound will not *treat* my infertility.

Scared Billing Clerk: Um, ma'am can you lower your voice? Feel free to call your insurance company and see if they will cover it. Today's total will be $180. Have a nice day.

So I wrote her a check, walked to my truck, and had a nervous breakdown. I sat and boo-hooed til I couldn't cry any more. I was so mad and frustrated. I knew all of this would be expensive and stressful, but from appointment no. 2? And I didn't even see the doctor! If I had been looking to get screwed, I could have gone down to Rundberg & Lamar, stood on the corner for a few minutes with the other working girls, and had somebody *pay me* for the pleasure.

What a bunch of bullshit! Arrrggghhhh!


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